Hopes and Expectations

In regard to having my book published, I have been asked what my expectations are. Good question, since I have been struggling to pinpoint the difference between expectations and hope since they both hope to expect a certain outcome. On one hand, I have often said that misplaced expectations breed disappointment. On the other hand, I also passionately believe that without hope a cause is completely lost. The inspiration for this blog resulted from, once again, being asked about my expectations. I understood that the person asking was hoping I would not be disappointed by misplaced expectations. So, what are my hopes and expectations?

My life has been about mission and message. My hope for this book is the same as it has been for my life—that I would be able to inspire others with the same message of hope with which God has inspired me. My expectation for independently publishing in an incredibly competitive book market is that I will feel like an inexperienced rock climber trying to scale a steep jagged rock face in bare feet. I mean I wrote a book about warriors; I don’t expect to be a princess. I expect it is going to be a lot of challenging work, knock downs, and some Holy Spirit resurrections.

With this in mind, I sat down and wrote a bulleted list of my Hopes and Expectations:

·      I am always so hopeful when someone who has read my book is pleased and excited. Actually, I’m always excited when someone “gets me.” Okay, so maybe that has never happened, but I am super excited when someone sees the vision of my book! That makes me hopeful!

·      I also expect to be misunderstood. Life has taught me that what has happened will happen again, therefore, I expect it. Life has also taught me there are two kinds of people who misunderstand. There is the person who needs you to clarify yourself; and that’s fair. Then there is the person who does not need you to interfere with their biased opinion. Understanding the difference between the two is important. When unsure, I clarify myself and discover very quickly which one they are.

·      There’s hope in clarifying myself. I will gain incredible insight into how others perceive my message. That can only help to make that message stronger and more effective.

·      I expect that I am not the only one who struggles with the expectation that even one negative comment will be heard louder in my head, felt deeper in my heart, and more wrenching in my gut then all the hopeful comments from people who are encouraging. However those comments are meant—

·      I expect those comments will hurt for at least a minute.

Now, I need interrupt this bulleted list to make a point. I am a tell-me-if-I-have-broccoli-in-my-teeth kind of person. I want to know. Will it be embarrassing for me? Yes, in fact, more so for me than most people. And if it hurts, same thing; I still want to know.

Years ago, when my father-in-law George was alive, my husband and I were going to San Diego with him to a church meeting, but I REALLY needed to stop and use the restroom. When I got out of the car in my black sheath button down dress, George looked pensively, trying to tell me something, “Uh…, I don’t think you want…” then he paused.

Well, I needed to go. There was no time for a pause, so I told him he could tell me when I got back. As I fast paced it through the fast-food lounge, people stared and smiled. I smiled back as I rushed in and continued to smile back at this unusually happy crowd as I calmly walked out of the restaurant to the car where George finally finished his sentence.

 “I don’t think you want that on the back of your dress.” He said.

I had sat on a yellow sticky note now conspicuously stuck on my black dress in the most inconvenient of places. Yes, I want to know when something is amiss! Should you ever notice such a thing, I want to know. If I am rushing to the restroom, please, learn to talk faster.

Back to my bulleted list, I understand that there is constructive criticism for my profit, and then there is I want to crush you with words. Sometimes, I am helped. Sometimes, I am crushed.

Either way, here is what I expect:

·      I expect renewed hope. That when the hurt passes, I will wake up one morning with renewed hope. I will wake up with fresh ideas, new solutions, and a renewed strength to not only try again but to try harder.

·      I expect to put my whole heart into anything I am passionate about. And God bless you, if your words are meant to crush me, my hope is to prove you wrong. A negative comment will (when it’s done stinging) make me want to work even harder. Maybe the Good Lord needs to put some Holy Spirit supervision on that, but that is how I process things on the inside.

Lastly, expectations can be fickle. They can get turned around on you like Jesus flipping money-changer-tables in the Temple. There are a couple of things in life I did not expect but learned the hard way:

·      I did not expect but learned some people I never expected to be supportive, are.

·      I did not expect but learned that people I had hoped would be supportive, are not.

After looking at my list, what have I learned? Well, I began by saying, “Misplaced expectations breed disappointment, and that without hope a cause is completely lost.” This is what I’ve learned, expectations can be unreliable depending on where you place them, but hope is my anchor. My conclusion is this, “When expectations are appropriately placed they become hope.”

 Psalm 62:5, “My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from Him.”

This verse sums up my expectations. My hope is in the expectation that God will bless according to His grace and mercy. I still have no idea what the expected outcome will be, but I know there is a deep well of hope inside me that has carried me through every twist, turn, and trial of life. That well of hope was discovered in a dark pit when I felt completely alone, of no worth, and desperately needed my life to be worth something. At the age of fourteen God gave my life purpose. Understanding that God had a purpose for my life gave me worth and that gave me tremendous Hope. I wasn’t alone. I learned one of the most important lessons of my life—When God is all you have, God is enough.

My life has been lived on the hope God gave me when He gave me purpose. I expect to continue pursuing that well of hope. Writing is a way to continue to pursue that purpose. What else am I going to do with my life except to continue pursuing the purpose that gave me life?

Philippians 3:12, “Not as though I had already attained, either were already perfect: but I follow after, if that I may apprehend that for which also I am apprehended of Christ Jesus.”